Em-dashes are useful punctuation. A human essayist might reach for one or two in a 600-word personal statement, in moments where the rhythm genuinely calls for a longer pause than a comma can carry. An unedited model often produces three or four — sometimes per paragraph — and they read as theatrical rather than considered.
Why models default to dashes in this genre
Personal statements ask for something that sounds reflective. The em-dash is the model's stand-in for reflection: a way to drop a parenthetical aside into every sentence without committing to a full subordinate clause. It produces prose that looks contemplative but is actually a constant low hum of qualifying.
Before
My passion for engineering — which I have nurtured since childhood — has driven me to pursue every opportunity available to me, including robotics competitions — both regional and national — and mathematics olympiads — which I won twice.
After
I've wanted to do engineering since I was nine. The robotics competitions came first, then the maths olympiads — I won the regional one twice. Both came out of the same impulse: to build the thing and see if it worked.
A quick edit pass that works
Read your statement aloud. Every time you hit an em-dash, ask whether the pause is needed. If the sentence reads cleanly with a comma or a full stop instead, swap it. You'll usually keep one or two and lose the rest — and the prose will feel a level less performed.